!!ATTENTION!!

I will no longer be posting to this blog, however I am leaving it online as a backup so I can rescue my writing if something happens to the other places where it's posted and backed up.

The posts below are have now been uploaded to a Tumblr blog and there is some new writing posted there as well.

Feel free to head to my Tumblr blog and have a poke around: http://mayday84.tumblr.com/poetry/ 

Regards,

Mayday/Josh x X 

25/11/2011

//maverick/yo-yo/boy.of.extremes/
alchemist/poet/waking.in.dreams/
kooky/taurean/naked.bike.rider/
attempting.to.train.my.health.care.provider/
coffee.drinker/eyes.open.wider/
come.together/reach.out.to.yer.brother/
uncelebrated.differences.become.a.divider/
recognise.she.guides.us/
we.all.have.the.same.mother/
strong/brave/phoenix.and.turtle/
may.your.garden.grow.high/
may.the.soil.be.fertile/
trek.on.through.the.daze/
each.moment.grow.older/
may.the.light/of.home/shine.stronger.and.brighter/
as.you.walk/on.the.path/
may.your.pack.become.lighter/
you've.always.been.a.lover/and.also.a.fighter/
keep.on/keeping.on/there's.much/
to.discover/
a.maverick/a.yo-yo/a.boy.of.extremes/
warm.kisses/skin.on.skin/kinky/a.biter/
kooky/taurean/naked.bike.rider//

18/11/2011 @12.30am

melatonin don't like bright light
melatonin enjoys the night
melatonin take my hand
lead me to an abstract land
drop me off, i'll find my way
through the dreams, into today

@1.44am 11.11.11 - josh ..quickly penned in response to a fb status update about finding love..

in Love you're so high you're on top of the world
you hold nothing back you've given it all
a few hands of cards and he wants to fold
the happier you are the harder you fall

love the disease that gives till it hurts
it taketh away what you gave it and more
it's filled your desires, hungers and thirsts
in the end you grow strong but you closeth the door

to play another hand, vulnerable and raw
in Love and in Lust You open the door
You step into the room, filled with Heartbeats and dust
Look around You, it's dark... Why did You trust?

A few hands of cards and he wants to fold
the happier You are, the harder You fall
A few hands of cards and he wants to fold
the happier You are, the harder You fall

into this world, and you walk and you walk
you grow old, you feel tired, the fire goes out
just what sort of lessons were you s'posed to learn
you look up to the sky, you shiver and shout

You experienced the Love to experience the burn
It's Inherant in Love is Pain without doubt
His voice, smell, and memories, within you they churn
You were luckier than some to see what Love is about.

/JoshPhillips/@9.50am/15.11.11/ ..on mining (uranium etc.)

rapists and thieves
assuming they're right
to take, to sell
to boost their wealth
assuming it's theirs
under the construct
which is a lie
which they made up
which man created
on paper they signed
it 'legally binds'
it's about time
we woke up
to their sin
they steel and rape
in the name of progress
and prosperity
serving the interests of a few
It don't belong to us
It don't belong to You
We're supposed to care for
Our Earth.

(for c.j./m.s.s./c.s.j.) -15.11.2011

give it out till it's boring to ya
and ya think yer all that
pretty boring to me too
yer just somethin that i had
where ya gonna end up
when ya hit the clubs
all destroyed and used up
and even less real than ya are now
more 2D than a newspaper clipping
less interesting to read

"stranger" - 15/08/2011

stranger
in black and silver
your arm around your
younger sister

it's come to this
where i still miss ya
but i don't know ya
you've become a stranger

when once i held ya
and i kissed ya
now all i'm holding
is your picture

memories under
the bridge between us
slowly sinking
beneath the water

i've got your number
i want to call ya
but while my life is
still a mess

i can only watch as
we drift further
as you become a stranger
as it comes to this

poem for adk - written 23/01/2011

i can feel you're not around
and i can still hear the sound
of that door closing
of that door closing

you and me until the end
but  it seems to be my friend
the end came early
oh way too early

inside my head it's frightening
inside my heart the fires gone out
and i'm tired now
oh yes i'm tired now

looking ahead and down the road
there's open doors for me i'm told
a new beginning
a new beginning

i know you've got to go and find
your happiness and peace of mind
that's what i want for you
that's what i want for you

boy to travel without You
it makes me feel so very blue
and i won't forget you
no i won't forget you
no i won't forget you.

This is a story of losing and winning. You came into my life and You sent my head spinning. You unlocked my Heart, lifted me up, Made me so High. Shared with me Your Spirit, taught me about You. Shared Your Heart, Your Mind, Your Soul, Your Love. We spent our time together. We went for drives. We went camping, sat by the fires and we went walking in the bush. We discovered we both had a love for nature. You told me about Your life, over a period of time, and I told You about mine. We shared our music together, You didn’t mind my taste in music, which was great, and I put up with listening to Kenny Rodgers! You moved into my flat, then we moved out my flat and into a house. You made our space beautiful. Every day I Loved to wake up next to You. One of us would go and make the cups of coffee, and bring it in, and we’d have our first coffee in bed together. We were on our way to building a life. We had both decided to go and study the same course, I was so proud of You when You got in, I was grinning from ear to ear, then I got in too! Words would never do justice to how much I adore You, it’s something in the Heart that You can’t write down on paper.

Then one day You said, “I’m leaving You”. This is a story of losing and winning and once more my boy, You’d sent me spinning. I cried every day for – it’s been about three months now. I didn’t want to get out of bed. But now I’m finding some healing amongst all the spinning, as this is a story of losing and winning.

Untitled

The smokey frankincense has saturated our space creating the most heavenly timeless atmosphere. My smiles punctuate the darkness and everything feels perfect. I have three or four heart shaped rocks that You picked out of the riverbed for me in East Gippsland. I have a long held depth of perception which takes me deeper and deeper to the fundamentals of the Heart, of Truth, of the Sacred of Everything which lies underneath the Human Distortion Effect. We were both there. Naked. Vulnerable, brave, in Love and Trust. If I knew it was just for a short while, I would still have said Yes.

Untitled - 17.12.2010

Longing for the single pill to make me sleep forever

Wondering how many more days they will keep me here

Longing to return home, apparently.. they don’t want me home

Not just yet - keep trekking, keep trekking

“Your Friends Need You”

“Your Cat Needs You”

Your Lover. He No Longer Needs You.

So I’m drowning again. I’m drowning again.

Struggling to cope, Yes I’m feeling the Pain

Getting strong today One foot in front of the other foot.

I’m laying in bed, I’m looking at the walls

When I’m not feeling hurt I’m feeling dead

I’m dead inside, but I’m still alive!

This wretched human condition! – Is a Joke!!

Full and fed up and Hungry

How much longer will they keep me here, and Why.

There’s drugs to take, to get stoned, and sleepers,

To sleep a day, and then another

To get up and mow the lawn, Just to Feel Better

I feel accomplished and manly now with my mown lawn

And then I’m drowning again, drowning again

Lost Hurt Lonely and Longing

Love lost and friends remain

And I’m drowning in a sea of Pain

The phone rings

It’s my mate.

She’s not doing too well.

She’s reaching out for a Friend

Because she’s drowning again

Her Rat Pig Slunt of A Husband is Playing His Games

He has tried to have her locked away.

He’s hit her and told her family she whores for a living.

She needs me Today.

I’m strong again. Strong in the mind. Strong to Keep Trekking.

It’s whatever it takes. I tell her. Look .. I feel the same

But we’ve got to get through today.

Looking to the future.

Fake it even. Mow the lawn just to feel alright.

This wretched human condition – Is a Joke!!

I’ll see You guys upon arrival. Home.

I’ll let You know how it is here.

Like You don’t know!!

Too beautiful. Too Painful. Too many Players. Too many Cooks. Too many Hearts. Too many Minds. Too many fractures inside. Too many beautiful memories, to make me feel sad. Too many people in hard times. This wretched human condition. This is what it is like to be a Human. I recommend it to You...

untitled poetry - written 19th December 2010 - josh/mayday

his face is worn the faux guru
who knows no other way
the boys and girls they sit around
and keep his fate at bay
he drives divide inside your soul
visible only in traces
of residual imprints in the dark
left there by the angels

skin soaked and flesh so tender
as to fall right from the bone
body gone and heart exposed
he's not that far from home
looking You in the eye
and standing in the rain
he wants for You to see him now
as naked as the flame

cold and wild is the child
who's asking for his name
and in reading You for answers
there's comfort for his pain

the little one you'll find he's gone
good thing that he's clever
by standing strong in the storm
with the peices that you gather
for just a time you'll see him there
you're looking in a mirror

the little one you left behind
the little one you seek
extends his arm for your hand
to have, to hold, to keep.

Why Worry - An Irish Poem, ......author anonymous..

Why Worry? In life there are only two things to worry about:
Whether you are well,
or whether you are sick.

Now if you are well,
You have nothing to worry about.

And if you are sick,
You only have two things to worry about:
Whether you get better,
or whether you die.

If you get better,
You have nothing to worry about.

And if you die,
You only have two things to worry about:
Whether you go to heaven,
or whether you go to hell Now if you go to heaven,
You have nothing to worry about.
And if you go to hell, You’ll be too busy shaking hands with Your friends,
that you won't have time to worry.
So Why Worry?

(Asled by Eden via Fabulis.com) Q. Will you tell me please of your greatest joy.., and your deepest sorrow and how you survived them both?

My deepest sorrow.
My Mum, Joy, died in September of 1988 when I was four years old. I struggled with not having Mum around for many years. I'm not sure if it was so much the sorrow of losing Mum or not having Mum around to wrap me in her hug during times of sorrow. I have survived this through understanding, of her life and situation. Through having walked a similar path to my Mum I have come to understand her pain, and nowadays I can accept without too much difficulty, why she went the way she did. I think it's a better thing that she's in a place of renewal and looking beautiful than here on Earth suffering the pain that oftentimes is part and parcel of being human.

My greatest joy.
Life itself. Being part of and bearing witness to this life. Both the pain and the beauty have been so intense, although I sometimes feel otherwise, I wouldn't be dead for quids. How do I 'survive this great joy' :) ? With a little help from my friends, too much self medicating. When I am in need of help I am never too afraid to be open with the people around me. To me, I am an open book and Pride must always replace shame. This means I am not ashamed to talk about where I've been, or what I'm going through. On the lighter side, well it isn't hard to survive when things are beautiful and are rockin and rollin. I take plenty of photographs, write, laugh, dance, enjoy good times with a few close mates, make friends with strangers, try to share joy with others and express myself freely...

Bloody good question Eden... cheers mate :)
Mayday X

8.10pm

Just checking back in. It's been a tough day.
Whatever is as tough as nails.
I am too.
I think these mood swings are cruel.

I'll be keepin' ya posted...

25/09/2010
1am or thereabouts

Life is ultimately empty. Live for what, other humans?
The journey. There is the journey. Here? This place?
You've got to be kidding...
There isn't even any proof, bar that which I have seen...
and that may not be enough to convince me.
I can't find that piece of myself that I reserved for this occasion.
I think I may have forgotten to set it aside. I think this time I've fucked up...
I think I've given it away. So come little one within. I think we should go now, you better go and play.
I'll lie in bed and waste away.
10 days no food. 10 days no water. A little something to tip me over.

I'm no longer afraid of the darkness. I am the darkness. I invite you in hungry ones.
Find what you can
to feast upon.

Take me home should you find me first
I'll dissipate in the universe
I'll dissipate Here on Earth
Motherfuckers let me go
A true seeker FUCK it is a curse.

24/09 @ 2.30am
This last one especially speaks of spring time. A good way to celebrate tonight's full moon.
Although I crave the company of others
I feel a bit lonely & very much like dancing, I feel as though I will be alright.
I'll stay in with the kids and my cuppa will keep me warm until sleep finds me...

24/09 @ 3.30am
My eyes are sparkling again. This time last year I was fried fish. This time, this year I am a month clean. I must keep trekking. I am glad to be awake to witness the sunrise and to welcome the new day.

@4am
That which I seek. Connection. I am directed to the bedroom rather than outdoors.
Peace and Blessed Be
---Mayday

5.20am
It seems as though the natural order is well and truly in place. Human kind is but temporary, although I do wish we would stop cutting down the trees.

(prior to 5am)
In bed momentarily. He produces an intoxicating smell, of sex? Of something...
The smell makes me lusty. I pull myself until I am hard. I think about jerking off thinking of other boys, but his smell continues to intoxicate me.
I fantasize about love making.
Eating his arse and then...
I blow. My stomach is sticky and my fantasies are fulfilled, as he sleeps restlessly beside me.
To thy own Self be True, I whisper in his ear.

I get into some warm clothes, cuppa, smoke, and journal. Camera in hand I step outside. A possum scares the shit out of me. I laugh and take a photo. I see the full moon setting, setting? Does the moon set? Maybe not... Wow I'm friggin' uneducated. At least I know it's spring :)
...and I watch the sun bring light to the new day. The magpies call to one another, and sing praise to the morning from the surrounding trees.

Sex. Sex. Sex. Ggggrrrr!

I'll stay out here for a moment or several and listen to the birds' song and to watch the light -, the sky. + So it seems once again, the day is replacing night and the stage is set for today's antics.
Bring Us Peace,
Laughter,
Happiness,
Health.
Fill our cups with your Divine Blessings. I am One unto You.
(5.40am)

Poem - Untitled

24/09/2010

My friends
they fill one hand
A finger at a time.

My Blessings
they quickly fill the other fingers.

They drip down into the webbing of my hand
like Our Rain
it's Beauty the beads of moisture
cascading down
gathering on
leaves in the sun.

They form a sleeve up my arm
like a vine
They wrap around me
like a blanket from Mum
a gift from the One,

a cocoon
in which I sit
Wait
Grow sleepy, -----
WAKE
Rub my eyes..
..these butterflies.

Poem - Untitled

24/09/2010

My head, it hurts.
My fists, they hurt.
My body, hurts,

From being angry.

This anger, hurts
and I feel angry.

My Heart, it hurts
and I feel angry.

My Heart, it hurts
and I feel angry.

24th September 2010

Communication, Love, Trust, Patience, Understanding, Optimism.

Of these traits I know I possess within all six. The ability to evolve in, express, give. One cannot give that which they don't possess.
I must make sure these six cups are full within, so that the overflow may then pour into the Hearts of others. Who am I. Am I my Mind? Am I my mental or emotional health which appears on the slide. Am I the spark to which ' I am subjected'.
As I sit, passive, 'subjected' and in reflection, do I have the ability to change? To grow in these areas? To dispel and diffuse the negative opposites of the above mentioned traits, being...

Communication Breakdown, Hatred, Impatience, Misunderstanding, Pessimism, Distrust.

...within myself? Of course within myself. Surely I can 'breed out' these emotions. Within another? Only by 'ceasing production of' or choosing to perpetuate or project only their positive counterparts...

Communication, Love, Trust, Patience, Understanding, Optimism.


Poem... by mayday - 24/09/2010 - untitled

Where are we going? Are we dying? Where are we taking one another? Where are we headed?
Which roads shall we take? Is there a route that will use less fuel?
Would we still land up in the same place? Would we get distracted along the way? Anyway,
Must we go at all today?
If we made it go away...
We could just stay --
Hug, laugh, kiss and play.
Or drive somewhere the sun is out
Lay a rug and talk about
What it is we're going through...
Where we're going --
Me and You

(For ADK)

09/09/2010 at Midnite

It certainly has been quite some time. This is just a knock up post. Mayday hit the bottom and Mayday is now on the way back up. Mayday has written a new poem, and there will be plenty of new writing in time to come.
Mayday will be back to give his blog a bit of an overhaul.
Perhaps this blog will be completely pulled down and rebuilt either here or at another blogging domain.

Much Love and Peace to All,
Mayday

May I now share with You my latest piece of prose, written on the 22/08/2010 :)
(entitled - IN MY IDEAL LIFE)
..................................

...In My Ideal Life...

...I am a transvestite warrior...
...I am a drunk...
...I am a loner...
...I am alone...
...I know no love but that of the moon and the stars...
...I have no one to love, not even me,
...as I am gone...

...I wouldn't be a fool at the end of the day...
...and I wouldn't be finding out the hard way...



...In My Ideal Life...
...My head isn't this wrecked...
...My Mum is my best friend...
...and I ain't quite this blind...
...I am fitter and faster than the beach road cyclists...
...I take care of myself...
...I take care of my man...
...I know who I am...
...I am who I am...
...I don't lie to myself...
...I don't tell lies...
...and I wouldn't even dream of giving up...


...In My Ideal Life...
...Would I sleep in the sunshine and dance in the darkness??...
...Would I cry in the darkness and dance in the rain??...
...There is more beauty than pain...There IS more beauty than pain...

...In My Ideal Life...
...I wouldn't be a fool at the end of the day...
...and I wouldn't be finding out the hard way...

sam 2

SAM… II

Sam sat in wait, sporting the horrendous upside-down smile of a drag queen possessed, and flesh covered in goose bumps from the winter cold which mercilessly lashed at the sleepless St. Kilda streets. In five minutes time the chemist staff would lift open the roller door and he could buy his fits.

Two holes in the arm better than one in the ground, Sam thought to himself.
“Two please.”
The lady looked him up and down.
“One dollar.” She spat the words at him.

The acid was kicking in. It was eight degrees, Sam suddenly felt like he was stranded in the Sahara desert, and it was three whole blocks back to Benji’s place.

Twelve hours ago Sam looked like a different person. The blood red lipstick and eyeliner as fantastic as Siouxsie Sioux had done a good job in complimenting his masculine jaw line and high cheek bones. Uninhibited and bright eyed, he had let go the week behind him, and had handed himself over to the DJ who was pumping out classic tracks by Iggy Pop, Duran Duran and INXS. “Yeah baby, I got a lust for life”. This was his therapy, and it was a long time coming.

Sam sat quietly on the couch wearing a mask of vacancy. He studied Benji with a reserved hunger and a smile crept onto Sam’s face like a thousand years of unregistered expression. Benji was everything a boy should be, except his.

“I've got to be at the airport in two hours” Benji piped up.
“Then You had best get in the shower…”, Sam smirked, “…would You like some help?”
As the walls around him crumbled Sam realised it was time to hit the road. He shot the last of his powder and drove home...


..josh (04/07/2009)

jesus fucking christ marc murphy is HOT

my art 1
(click to enlarge)

peice of writing from last ntie

Like the deconstructed set of yesterdays dream
Like the melting clocks of a Dali painting

Like pushing a button and exploding into a million colours
Like an old tripper who makes no sense and never quite made it back

Like the burnt out used up good heart of a woman who gave it to someone she thought was worth it and the charismatic wild eyed young boy lost inside the wasted old sod of a bloke who hungrily destroyed her.

Like flowing and floating and flying through time and like struggling to move at all.
Like the boy who remembers he’s an aspiring alchemist after forgetting because he can’t help but ingest the chemicals involved in his work and like the boy who never gets to pull the chocolate cake out of the oven because the mix alone smelled ever so sweet and good enough to eat.

peice of writing from 18th o this month

I set the effects dial to ‘full spectrum’ and began to undress.
The water came out slow at first, the colours as soft and faded as the memories of last nite’s dreams.
Sliding down the porcelain and into the tub below, the colours seemed to breathe, and, with each breath they drew, I noticed, livelier and stronger tones began to replace the old pastel.
Each colour would begin to merge into another, but would just as quickly retract.
Flirting and curious, they happily played together, and I watched on, smiling at the theatre in my bathroom.
Standing there naked, it seemed almost enough to bathe in the dense field of translucent energy beads to which the warm colour seemed to have given birth.
With an elbow in each hand, I stepped into the bath.

sam

The salt sank into the cuts on his body as Sam struggled against the waves. He knew that the ocean would take him if he dared to relax, and he would become a part of everything again. To Sam, this seemed like the perfect picture of heaven, but he was too afraid to let go.

The stars offered no help, and the moon began to grow sleepy. Sam continued to struggle, alone in the water, annethesised by the cold and unforgiving ocean.

poetry from May of this year

UNTITLED - Josh (27. 05. 2009)


i talk in my sleep, shiver n sweat
i wake to a gunshot inside my head

my face is pale, i'm barely there
i sink to the floor in my underwear

crawl into the shower,
and run it on hot
all that i was and all that i'm not

i paint the walls with the blood of my man
i don't do enough but i do what i can

it seemed to be how it was written
horror scenes and indecision

can't avoid the rule or notion
our lives run on perpetual motion.

poetry from April of this year

Joshua
29/04/2009


[[I SAW GOD ON BOURKE STREET]]



The World:
- A construct created by mankind, close your eyes and join the blind.
Share portfolios pay dividends, an investment property, a mercedes benz.
Economic stimulus packs, interest rates and income tax,
ten news, first at five, tune in for all the facts.

Disguised as time, hours pass,
Cognac, Merlot, fill your glass.

It's 9am at King and Bourke,
law school grads. are off to work.

Latte, Mocha, fill your cup,
a caffeine hit to wake you up.

Light filters through like a rising tide,
the eyes of my Heart are open wide.
In this moment God, Truth, Beauty and Art,
like an undercurrent, as the world falls apart.

poetry from March of this year

20/03/2009
Joshua

THE RESIDUAL MEMORY


Egodeath like nuclear war
wiping out the cities of the world

Visionary intensity is dripping through my mind
one couldn't re-create, and the words I can't find
The imagery playing out on the screen
was direct from the blood of this organic machine

Fear flooding in
as a billion tears fall
- and all familiarity is lost
like dust.
I woke from the dream on a blanket of stars.

untitled poetry from this year

i want to hold you till we sleep
i want to softly kiss your cheek
should the illusion remain intact
i've got to want what i can't have

- joshua
2009

untitled poetry from December 2008

21/12/2008 Josh

oh no my dear! what have you done?
i'm hooked again ..Will it be that You reel me in?
This is no fun
I'm drawn to You like a moth to flame ..
it's torturous and i writhe in pain .
i wonder where you learnt
this game i know i oughta learn to play...
keep my head as you toy with me
then go right in for the kill
.. suffice to say he's done me in
he's quite a tease the boy named bill.

poetry from July 2008

17/07/2008
"(learning to be a) master of control"


a tangle of indestingushable emotion and desire
drives me to the edge with worry and fear
it makes me feel sick, uncertain and queer

hijacked some time in the unsettled ocean
of my heart soul and mind
elevates and illuminates like a full moonlit night
and dissipates so quickly - i just can't unwind

As I seek to execute any consciouss objective,
or to simply feel comfortable in expressing myself,
I am constantly betrayed by my own neurochemistry and physiology.
- It can feel so unkind.

If I could stay in the drivers seat for some length of time
I could show You who I am ... and I would like that.

poetry from october 2007

where you are.. Josh 04/10/2007

Everything’s all-right, where you are

all things provided,

and needs are few

you take your wisdom with you,

you’ve left some here too

________

no need for answers

or hope or hopelessness

no worries or struggles

no misery, no hurting

no old age, in mortal terms

________

everything’s all-right, where you are

family and soul mates

unity and community,

pure beauty,

and you are renewed

________

everything’s all-right, where you are

communication is easy

and we can hear you easily.

________

and at the end of the show,

we too will go,

Where you are

poetry from July 2005

BARRICADE - Josh


You put up that barricade
and seem to hold yourself,
under lock, no key
When the locksmiths come around
You turn them all away

It seems to those,
who poke in their nose,
that you've almost lost the plot.
But if you use that barricade,
You stand to lose the lot.

untitled poetry from March 2004

Mellow is the mystery,
Chrystalline forms surround you.
Follow his lead you know,
This demon runs circles around you.
Anytime that you might seek,
Just never know whose mind will tweak,
To softer frequencies that drip,
Finding their way through the network.

Throwing stones, and stepping stones,
With a dark grey hue to the air,
When you finally recognise yourself,
Child, please do not dispair.

Hollow is your destiny,
These days, these days the astound you.
Seeing eyes through every pore,
Take a picture of that moment.
All that is through every door,
Was within, around you to start with.

Holding your hand throughout the dance,
Always a choice to thrive or not,
And though you may not know this now,
You'll do quite well with the time you've got.

What will be in the scheme of things?,
We do not know, we never will.
The next step to take in any case?,
Only you will know, I'll never tell.